


Eyes Like Gold

by writingandwinter



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Anorexia, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Dysfunctional Family, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lesbian Azula (Avatar), Mai and Tom-Tom, Mai is Tom-Tom's Mom, Mother-Son Relationship, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Romance, Teen Pregnancy, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:00:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25536232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingandwinter/pseuds/writingandwinter
Summary: "You were an only child for fifteen years." Ty Lee said to her on the beach.Mai was still an only child. She didn't have any siblings, but she did have a son.When Zuko was banished, everything changed for Mai, and that included her relationships and role in the royal families life. How will she cope now that the war is over and she can no longer hide the truth?
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar), Mai/Ozai (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar)
Comments: 36
Kudos: 176





	1. Mothers and Daughters and Sons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fanfiction!  
> Note:I do not own Avatar.

Mai placed the gold brush back on her vanity after the required one hundred brushes each day. Her mother instilled the priority of glossy hair since a young age. Anything to make her daughter prettier. It wasn’t that Mai was ugly, but her sharp features and lanky body could not be considered beautiful. She applied the darker red gloss to her thin lips in an attempt to plumpen them.  
She didn’t even need makeup today. Makeup should be for important parties with her family, official business as the Fire Lord's girlfriend, and dates with Zuko. She shouldn’t have to get dolled up to see Zuko with his… friends. They were spending the month at the Palave and each day she denied to spend the day with them. Nights were when she slunk through shadows to the palace into Zuko's arms.  
It was strange for her to refer to them as Zuko’s friends. Just two months ago they were appointed as her enemies by Azula. Yet now Azula was in the hospital, Ty Lee was a Kyoshi Warrior and she… Mai was Mai. Trying to grasp who she was before Zuko's banishment began and now was harder than she imagined. She thought she could move on and just-  
No.  
It was the past. She has to move on. She was so fortunate. Zuko still wanted her. He would want her as long as she focused on their future. Before the war ended, before Zuko was Firelord, it was easier to play the facade. Now, with everything changing, she wanted to scream the truth. Yet she would lose Zuko, and that would be horrible. She lost him twice before, both with disastrous effects. It was her duty to forget the past.  
“Mai?” A light knock at the door broke her out of the trance. She turned back in her velvet seat to see her mother in the entrance with Tomiko. Of course she didn’t wait for a response. Her mother, Michi, plastered a small smile onto her dainty features. That smile meant she needed something. She hasn’t seen it for some years. After Zuko's banishment and everything that transpired, it was easier for her parents to leave her alone. They had Tomiko now, the precious boy they always wanted.  
“Can you watch Tom-Tom for me? I’m shopping with Akira Sekemoto and I shouldn’t cancel.”  
Mai forced her mouth to stay in the straight line. Her mother was desperate to go if she asked Mai to watch Tomiko. She kept them separate, two children fourteen years apart, never to interact. Her parents thought the less she saw him, the less she would love him. They were fools as always. Her heart expanded in the nine months Tomiko grew in the womb.  
She turned away from her mirror and clutched her hands together. She perfected the art of staying solemn with Tomiko around. If she kept her hands busy, she could keep herself from reaching out. It was an instinct the first year. There was a magnetic pull to him. She knew Tomiko felt it, no matter how young he was.  
Even now, Tomiko waved his chubby hands in her direction. His narrow eyes, as gold as the necklace Zuko gifted her, seemed to light up when he saw her. That could have been wishful thinking on her part. Her heart fluttered as his thin mouth formed a smile and a gurgle escaped his lips.  
“Well, I’m going to the palace. Zuko invited me and the Avatar and friends are eager to meet me.” She secretly relished holding it over her mother. Since the events that followed Zuko's banishment, her mother had loosened the once ironclad grip she had on Mai. It was easier to sway her now. Perhaps it was her guilt that allowed Mai to spend nights at the palace.  
Her mother flinched at the mention of the Avatar. Her parents stood staunchly behind the old Fire Lord. His defeat by a child was shameful. The idea that Mai was friends with his defeater clearly bothered her. Mai wasn’t exactly friends with him, but she didn’t need to be privy to that.  
“I can take Tomiko, he would love to see his dear friend the Avatar again.” Mai bit her lip to avoid smirking. It was still a sore spot that Tomiko escaped her attention in Omashu. While her parents still believed the Avatar and friends kidnapped him, she believed Zuko's tale of the lemur. Tomiko loved any furry animal. In the baby books they had, he’d eagerly point to any animal with a smile.  
Her mother sighed, a sign she was breaking resolve. “I do need to buy some new dresses…” She trailed off and glanced down at Tomiko. His chubby fingers grabbed at her dark red dress. It didn’t escape Mai that her mother allowed him to play with her clothes. She just knew when she was Tomikos age her mother had already been distant. She was a girl and Tomiko was the precious boy.  
“Will you be careful with him?” She questioned Mai.  
A rush of anger filled her. How dare she? Did she not find Mai competent? Never mind the fact she took down a city only a few months ago or was incredible with knives, Mai loved Tomiko. Wasn’t that enough for her?  
She stood from her vanity seat and grabbed Tomiko from her mother’s arms. Take that Michi Wanatabe. She placed one hand on his back and another on his bottom to hold him close to her chest. He nuzzled against her own neck and her heart fluttered when he laid his head against her chest. Her mother’s eyes tightened at the affection he showed for Mai.  
Science does not lie. Mai learned that at the Royal Fire Academy. Just three years ago, before everything turned out very bad, they had a lesson on parenting. Humans are animals just like turtle ducks or ostrich horses. Like animals, there are some primitive parts to them. One being the fact that babies recognize their mothers, no matter how much time has passed. They know their voice and their scent.  
Even when a baby is taken right from the bed into another woman’s arms, even when that woman says she’s the baby’s mother, the baby knows. Tomiko knows. He spent nine months inside her. At night, it was her voice that would sing softly to him. It was her hands that would rub her growing belly in her bedroom. She was the one who pushed for all those hours and bled and led doctors to believe she would not make it. None of it was Mai’s mother.  
She squeezed him tighter and inhaled the baby scent she never thought she’d love. Mai was not maternal, but then again, no girl her age truly was. Yet something in her held so much n  
love for her baby. She never got to hold him. Her parents believed the more distant they kept her, the less she would love him. They were wrong once again. Mai would always love Tomiko. Even if she was forced to be his sister, she would love him as her son.  
She slowly inched towards the door when her mother grabbed her wrist. This was a gesture Mai was used to. When she was young, it was a silent warning to be quiet. She knew from a young age that a silent girl was the best girl. She behaved so well it seemed that someone else took notice three years ago.  
Her mother whispered, as if spies were outside, “He hasn’t shown signs yet… try not to do anything that will provoke that as a reaction.”  
Mai gulped. Oh, that. The only proof they had so far was that Tomiko rose with the sun. He even came into the world at dawn, bright red and screaming. The man who helped create him was a strong firebender. Mai had firsthand experience with his fire, a mark on her lower hip, from when he grabbed her and she squirmed, that would never disappear.  
She knew that there was nothing wrong with firebenders. Zuko was one, and he was courageous and loving. He would never clamp his big hands over her mouth and push her against the bed. He would never tear through her and ignore her muffled cries.  
“He’s not that, Mother. He’s my son.” With those words, Mai stormed out of her house with Tomiko before the volcano that was her mother exploded.  
She crossed the pavement that led to the palace(it was convenient to grow up with her ex-best friend and crush across the way) and with a deep breath, knocked on the palace gates.


	2. Mai Meets the Gaang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mai finally meets the Gaang and a lie may be revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the love! This chapter gives more insight into the Gaang and Mai's perspective of them. I hope to publish chapter three tomorrow or Monday, and finally some action will occur!  
> TW: mentions of rape, pedophilia, and a few swears.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

The gardens of the palace were a familiar place for Mai. Of her childhood memories, the garden was a key place. She spied on Zuko with his mother here, played tactical war games, and threw mud at Zuko. Once Zuko's mother left, the garden had become overgrown and unkempt. As she walked through the stone path to where she knew Zuko and his friends would be, she noted red roses had begun to grow once more. Zuko must have informed servants of his desire to bring the garden back.  
Zuko’s deep chuckle reached her ears and she continued the trek among the stone path with Tomiko in her arms. It was nice to hear Zuko laugh, she mused. She was happy he had friends, she really was. There was just a small part of Mai that worried he would forget about her. She was bland and below average in looks. Also, the fact she continuously pushed him away when he tried to advance their make out sessions. He would get bored of her frigidness eventually.  
She came to a clearing in the garden and was met with the sight of several people at a  
burgundy wooden table. Her eyes found Zuko first. He sat in the center seat with the water bender on his left side and an empty seat on his right. The water bender, Katara, was laughing at something Zuko must have said, based on the way she grinned at him. Wasn’t she with the Avatar? Zuko told her that, but the way she beamed at Zuko left Mai feeling territorial.  
It wasn’t Katara’s fault she was stunning in her light blue dress. Her bright blue eyes contrasted with her tan skin and dark hair. What bothered Mai most however, was the curves Katara had. She was more ample up top, despite Mai having a baby. She knew from the romance scrolls she and Ty Lee would read that men preferred that. Mai's mother would call Katara beautiful, minus her skin being darker than that of a Fire Nation girl. The waterbender clearly was loved by her friends based on the way they all smiled at her. She could hold a crowd, whereas Mai clammed up in groups.  
She used the time undetected by anyone to study the rest of the group. There was the Avatar, who preferred to be called Aang, sitting on the other side of Katara. He was quite short with a round face. It struck her how young he was. Too young to have the weight of their world rest on his shoulders.  
Across from Aang sat Sokka. Zuko mentioned the older boys desire to learn shuriken. He hinted Mai could teach him, which she wasn’t very inclined to do. She didn’t believe she had the patience or enthusiasm to help anyone. Besides Zuko and Tomiko. She taught Zuko to throw knives years ago, and hopefully she could teach Tomiko someday. She didn’t know much about Sokka besides the fact Zuko found him funny.  
Sokka held hands with the Kyoshi warrior she helped imprison, Suki. She knew her the best out of all of them. They spent some time in prison together, and Mai even found herself almost not miserable with her presence. She was grateful there would be no animosity between them, it would be nice to have an ally when speaking to these people for the first time.  
Besides Suki was the earth bender, Toph. Zuko adored the younger Earth Kingdom girl. She heard many of Toph's jokes and hoped they would get along, for Zuko’s sake. The girl was quite short, but then again she was twelve. Mai bit back a smile at her bare feet. She knew they were her vision, but the idea of Mai’s mother seeing it made her want to laugh. It would not pass Michi Wanatabe’s idea or cleanliness. It made her want to like Toph even more. She was talented, Mai knew that from firsthand experience.  
A very familiar voice chimed in with a “Me too!” that caught Mai’s attention. It was Ty Lee, her oldest friend, her closest friend. She was still clad in pink with her brown hair in her signature braid. It comforted her that her dear friend hasn’t changed much. They only spoke briefly since the war ended and they were released from prison. She befriended the Kyoshi Warriors there, and was planning on joining them. She was proud of Ty Lee. She may keep her cold facade up with her, but she was grateful for the bubbly girls friendship.  
Yet sometimes, when she was angry late at night, she wondered if Ty Lee never approached her at school when they were five, if everything would have been different. Without Ty Lee, there would have been no Azula. There would have been no palace, and nothing bad would ever have happened. She knew that was awful of her, because Ty Lee lef to Azula, which led to Zuko. She could never imagine her life without Zuko anymore.  
She was interrupted by her thoughts by Zuko himself. “Mai!” Her boyfriend reached her with a grin that gave her butterflies. “You brought Tomiko!” He rubbed Tomikos head which made him giggle.  
“I didn’t have time to send a messenger hawk. Mother had plans.” It didn’t cross her mind that showing up with a baby may be rude. Zuko wouldn’t mind, he’d been asking to see Tomiko again, but would his friends care? Maybe he would help her seem less threatening. She had thrown knives at all of them at least once.  
Zuko wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her against his side to not crush Tomiko. She leaned up to kiss his cheek as a greeting. While she was not one for total public displays of affection(unless it was in front of Azula, then all bets had been off) she did want to let Katara know Zuko was hers. If she was right and the waterbender was flirting with him, this should tell her to stop.  
“Come sit Mai. Oh, do you need a chair for Tomiko? I should have thought of that. Wait, babies can’t sit in chairs” Zuko rambled as he led her to the table with a hand on her arm. “You can sit next to me. That is if you want to, I mean.” He took a deep breath and his cheeks turned slightly pink.  
Was he nervous? It made sense, in a strange way. These were Zuko’s first friends and she was his girlfriend. It made sense he would want them to get along. She wanted to be comfortable with them also. She didn’t have to love them, but she needed to be okay spending time with them.  
She gracefully sat down in the chair(because she was still her mother’s daughter and being graceful was something she did) and adjusted Tomiko to face Sokka and Suki. “He can sit on my lap,” She said softly. She sat straight up with tense shoulders. She tried to open her mouth to speak but found her tongue was stuck to the bottom of her mouth.  
She forgot how painfully shy she could be. She hadn’t been around anyone new in so long, not since her first day at the palace nine years ago. It occurred to her suddenly, that she has never met anyone for herself. Yes, Ty Lee introduced herself and declared they were friends, and she may have led to Azula, but it was her mother who forced that friendship to work. Her parents selected everything in her life, from her clothes to her acquaintances. She was their puppet, and for the first time, it felt like she had some control over her life.  
Zuko placed his hand over hers on the table, and introduced her, “Um, guys, this is Mai. My girlfriend.” The gesture seemed more intimate than putting his hand on her thighs. This showed his friends she was important. “Oh! And this is Tomiko, her little brother. He’s the one you kidnapped.”  
He then introduced everyone to Mai, as if she didn’t know who they were from the stories he would tell her each night. She nodded along at each introduction. After she had everyone’s name, the silence grew. It seemed nobody knew quite what to say to her. She couldn’t exactly blame them. Yes, she saved their lives at boiling rock, but she spent several months chasing them across the world before that. She was the enemy of almost everyone at this table at some point.  
“So… uh, you were pretty badass at Boiling Rock. How’d you learn to do that?” Sokka broke the tension. He slurped his noodles and she raised her brows at how messy he was. She’d never seen someone eat so carelessly. Everyone she grew up with knew better.  
Mai swallowed her nerves and said, “At school, if you weren’t a fire bender, you had to pick some combat. I chose shuriken and after some time I was given a private teacher to further my skills.”  
“My father found the teacher for her. It was a joint birthday gift from Azula and I for her eighth birthday” Zuko piped in. “Well, a gift from my entire family but we said it was us. Well, Azula said it was just her but it was me too.”  
Mai forgot about that over the years. Or perhaps she buried that memory. After a year of throwing, it was clear she had talent. Her mother believed it was a foolish skill for a girl, but Zuko’s parents disagreed. They thought any friend of Azula’s should be the best. It was Zuko’s father who ensured she got the best trainer possible. He would watch her occasionally as she hit target after target. When she was younger, it didn’t bother her as much. It was only when she began to develop did she notice his eyes were not watching her hands and the targets.  
“What other skills were there?” Suki asked.  
Mai describes the chi blocking and acrobatics, the axe throwing, and the weapon making. There were others she was sure that she forgot or over the years. Her childhood memories were not perfect, too many unpleasant events happened for her to recall small details of mundane life. She fed Tomiko bites of her dumplings as she spoke.  
Suki was interested in the Fire Nation schools and their comparison to Kyoshi Islands, and finally she said, “Did you guys live there?”  
“No, it was a day school.” Mai answered truthfully. “I never lived at school.”  
Fuck. She wished to grab her words and swallow them. When she was thirteen and her constant nausea and weight gain ended with a diagnosis of pregnancy, her parents told people she went to boarding school. For six months she hid in her home while her mother lied to the world she was the pregnant one and on bedrest.  
“Yes you did! Remember? A few years ago! We wrote each other letters!”  
Double Fuck. Ty Lee was right. Every week, Mai’s mother would give her a letter Ty Lee gave her to send. Her mother had told Ty Lee and Azula it was easier for them to send or give her the letters for Mai which she would send herself. Ty Lee sent at least one letter a while, while Azula’s were sporadic and filled with quips about how boring life was. With every letter she received, three days later one would be delivered to Ty Lee or Azula. Her parents' plan worked at least. People truly believed Mai was at boarding school. She was unsure of the details in the plan, as once Tomiko was born nobody asked Mai about her school. All they cared about was the Wanatabe heir, son of Michi and Ukano.  
Mai shoved noodles into her mouth in an undignified manner. While she chewed the soy noodles, it was clear everyone wanted an explanation on her school situation. Even Zuko, who was usually oblivious, stared at her with his wide golden eyes.  
“Oh…” She drawled as she attempted to concoct a lie. She had been friends with Azula, a diagnosed psychopath, for nine years! Azula loved to lie and it should have rubbed off on Mai. Instead she drew a blank. “I forgot,” she finally spit out. “Um, a lot of Zuko's banishment was a blur.”  
That wasn’t even a lie. From the day Zuko left to their reunion, Mai felt like an odd observer in her own life. She remembered the pink color of her bath after the first time and she remembered the pain and soft cries. She could remember the strong kicks of Tomiko against her stomach and the hours of agony and screams.  
The small moments of a regular teen from a noble family she did not remember or have. There were no chaste love notes from any boy, because the only boy she ever liked was banished. The man who wanted Mai made her insides squirm with repulsion.  
She observed as the conversation changed to their weekend plans. Zuko would work of course; the Fire Loed rarely got a day off. Except for today, which she knew from his simple red tunic and black pants. He went without the crown or top knot today, so he must not have any meetings. It didn’t miss her that he most likely took off since she came. A rush of guilt came for her that she brought Tomiko with her.  
She knew she should keep him as far from Zuko as possible. Nothing good would come from them meeting and eventually growing close. It would break her heart to see her son with her boyfriend, neither knowing the truth.  
If she were smart, she would move out of her parents house. She could keep a distance from Tomiko and maybe someday, if she had other children, the pain would lessen. Some days she felt as if she couldn’t even breathe when apart from him. Perhaps if she left his life for good, she would be able to breathe regularly again.  
She focused on chewing carefully. Zuko's thumb rubbed against her hand and it calmed her racing heart. Focus on the future, not the past. She could never change what happened. Mai would pretend she was untouched. That she wasn’t a whore. Perhaps if she prayed to Agni enough, it would come true.


	3. Morals and Motherhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Even the way she held him was how a mother held her child."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh! it's been over a moth since I posted. i've been so, so buys with work but here it is! this chapter is super long so if you get through it, yay! i really struggled and finally said "this is the best i can do."
> 
> disclaimer: i do not own the atla series.
> 
> TW: mentions of rape and pedophilia.

Katara did not like Mai. She was cold with her unmoving face and blank eyes. She was obviously spoiled with her gold jewelry and kimono. Who wears such a garment for lunch in a garden? Fire Nation nobles apparently. That was the real reason Katara didn’t like her. Mai chased them down for a better part of a year. It was hard to fathom that the emotionless sidekick of Azula was suddenly good. 

Katara should feel guilty she disliked the Fire Nation girl without giving her more of a chance, but she knew the feelings were mutual. Mai disliked her just as much. She hadn’t as much spared a glance in her direction since arriving with her baby brother. The brother she carelessly discarded at Omashu. 

The knife thrower's priorities confused her. She was complacent in genocide and took down a city of refugees, yet turned against Azula all for Zuko. Not that Zuko wasn’t worth the betrayal, but Mai seemed to be a follower. 

“Mai, how old is Tom-Tom?” Aang asked. 

Katara didn’t miss the way she stiffened even further in her seat. She already had wonderful posture, but now her shoulders tensed. She pulled the baby even closer on her lap. It was a contrast to the indifference she showed him in Omashu.

“His name is Tomiko” Mai’s voice was more forceful.

“But your parents and Zu-“

“They made a mistake. His name is Tomiko.” 

Katara raises a brow at how forceful she sounded. Before, she had a bored tone, as if she had somewhere better to be. Now she stared intently at Aang. 

Aang threw his hands up and sent her a lopsided smile. Katara’s heart warmed at how kind he could be, even in the face of evil. Okay, maybe evil was extreme. Very cruel was a better word. Mai was unkind, that was for sure. She didn’t deserve Aang's forgiveness nor anyone else. Was Katara really expected to forgive her so easily?

Before Katara could stop herself, she said, “Remember when you agreed not to take your brother back because it wasn’t a worthy trade and then threw knives at us?”

“Katara!!” Sokka interrupted what would have been a tangent. “Zuko said she was sorry! And let’s-“

“ZUKO said that. Not her. She hasn’t apologized once! She expects everyone to-“

She went back and forth with her brother. How could he not see the issue? Mai had no understanding of consequences. Even the fact she betrayed Azula proved she couldn’t fathom being in trouble. She clearly felt she was above apologies. The first thing she should have done was express her sorrow and regret. Instead, she engaged in conversation about how she learned to harm people. 

“If you have an issue, why don’t you speak to me rather than about me?” It was Mai who cut in this time, her voice as sharp as the knives she carried. She leaned forward to make eye contact. Her eyes were even more narrow than usual and her cheeks were tinged pink. 

Zuko’s eyes bounced back and forth. She hoped he would mediate in some way, since this was his home and it was his girlfriend who made Katara act out, but his lips were closed. He clutched Mai’s hand; and that told her he found nothing wrong with Mai’s actions. 

Katara took a deep breath. If Mai wanted to hear her thoughts, she would indulge her. “You followed us around for months! You tried to kill us! You’re also mean! And… and you’re just so privileged. Even talking about your shuriken tutor! You don’t realize how easy you’ve had it.”

Mai kissed her brother's head and placed him on the grass. He toddled over to the flowers where he began to pull at the grass. Her back was like a rod now, and her eyes barely strayed from her brother. She did not look at Katara when she said, “I’m sorry. I was following orders and it’s better to do as Azula says.” She glanced back, her tawny eyes hardened. “You know nothing about me.” 

“Well you have both your parents. Neither of them were murdered. Funny that your family managed to survive the war.” Katara swallowed the familiar lump that rose whenever she thought about her mom. “My mom is dead! You didn’t have to grow up without yours and neither will your brother!”

Maybe that was why Katara disliked Mai. It was not exactly jealousy, but she had her mother. Mai could go to her with questions about Zuko and fashion tips. Katara couldn’t tell her mother about Aang. She wished her mother could see her now. Hopefully she would be proud. Mai would never have to wonder if her mother was proud, she could ask her. 

Mai jerked her head to face her brother, but not before Katara caught the despair on her face. She could see from her view of Mai that longing danced in her eyes as she watched her brother. Most sisters didn’t observe their siblings like that, at least not in the Water Tribe. Maybe it was because she was so close in age to Sokka she could never imagine staring at him like that. It was more how a parent looked at a child. Which was silly, because Mai was too young to have a child when her brother was born.

Before she could ponder the strangeness of the situation, Mai’s brother fell onto the rocks with a cry. Mai jumped out of her seat and whisked him into her arms. It happened so fast Katara barely had time to process it before she stood and said, “If he has any scratches, I can heal them! I have healing-“ 

She did not even finish before Mai snarled, “Don't touch him! He needs me.” She kissed her brother's knee and said in a softer, kinder voice, “Are you okay Tomiko? I wasn’t watching you! I’m so sorry Tomiko.”

She held her brother close against her chest. His cries subsided yet Mai continued to kiss his knee and face. Her protectiveness over Tomiko was much more like a mother than a sister. Even the way she held him was how a mother held her child.

A pang of loss shook through Katara. The scene reminded her of her own mother. If she and Sokka ever got hurt, their mother would scoop them up and kiss them. Yet Mai could not be a mother. Her brother couldn’t be older than one and a half. Mai was fifteen so her brother is fourteen years younger. No way was she doing that at fourteen. Yet her reaction, the clear love on her face and in her eyes, was enough for Katara to realize the truth. 

“I’m sorry Mai.” It was true. If her suspicions were correct, then Mai has been through far more than she originally thought. 

Her apology seemed to surprise not only her friends, but also Mai. The older girl's mask was in place, until Katara met her eyes then Tomiko. Her eyes widened and her mouth parted, and for the first time, she looked scared. She hadn’t seemed nervous when fighting or face to face with Azula. How was she scared now?  
••••••  
There was no way Katara knew.

Mai managed to fool everyone. She knew the consequences, for both her and Tomiko. He didn’t deserve to bear the harm done to her on his shoulders. He would know he was not exactly planned. Mai never imagined being pregnant at fourteen, but from the moment she found out, she loved him. She would be marked dirty if the truth was discovered. Zuko would never want her then, nor would any man. She sounded like her mother, but Mai knew a noble woman’s place in society. Any hopes she had of being independent were destroyed when she was twelve. 

If Katara knew, then she would tell Zuko. The rational part of her brain said Katara was happy with the Avatar. However, there was a part of her, the part that whispered Mai was worthless and ugly, that said Katara wanted Zuko for herself. The awful part in her sounded suspiciously like her mother. 

She kissed her son's head one more time and made eye contact with the water bender. “I… I hope you can forgive me for past transgressions.” 

Zuko raised his left brow at her with a smirk on his lips. She knew what he was after. Zuko may be able to apologize and grow and become good, but Mai was not like him. She was neither good nor bad, but was anyone? Could she be divided into a category? Based on what, her ability to turn against a friend? 

Mai would not apologize for doing what she had to do. They would never understand her motives, how she worked to keep her boy safe. It wasn’t until she saw how deranged Azula was that she realized the extent of danger she was in. The war needed to end, and she needed Zuko to survive. If Zuko lived, Tomiko would never be forced into battle. Her list of people she loved was small, but Zuko was right behind Tomiko.

“Of course we forgive you! It’s over now, we should move forward, right guys?” It was the Avatar who broke the silence. His high voice struck Mai by surprise, even though she heard him speak before. It was odd that someone so young saved their world.

Zuko’s friends nodded their heads which shocked her even more. If the situations were reversed, if her culture had been wiped out by the air kingdom, or the water tribe raided the Fire Nation, Mai may not have forgiven them. Yet they were accepting of her. She didn’t forgive so easily. She forgave Zuko for leaving her to help the Avatar, but that wasn’t the same. Zuko ended up being right to leave, even if she disagreed with his method. 

The brown and white lemur jumped onto the table and Tomiko shrieked with glee. It was the same animal that caught his attention in Omashu. She wasn’t surprised he loved it, but seeing his happiness up close made her heart speed up. He was a happy baby, much happier than Mai had ever been. It must not be her genes that led to her giggly son. 

Zuko ran a hand through Tomiko’s black hair and exclaimed, “Look it’s Momo!” He beckoned the lemur over.

The animal jumped across the table right in front of her. It’s brown eyes seemed to widen with recognition. Tomiko burst into giggles and reached to pet the fur, all reminders of his fall forgotten.

“Can you say MoMo?” She whispered in his ear. Her heart raced as she imagined what Zuko’s friends thought of her. They thought she disliked Tomiko. She hated when people assumed she didn’t love him. She felt silly for being so mushy with him. It was confusing- she wanted to give him hugs and kisses, and when she did, she felt guilty.

It was better for girls like Mai to be seen and not heard. Her mother always said she looked silly trying to engage with others. She didn’t have enough beauty to hold the attention of the court. If her parents were here, she would be scolded for even holding Tomiko so close. They preferred her to show indifference to her “brother”. 

“M...M-M-Mo” He sounded out the two syllable word. His eyebrows knitted together in concentration.He had a small vocabulary but his first word, and favorite word, was Mai. He said Mai before Mommy, which he only said once or twice. Mai’s mother had been furious with his first word and kept her from interacting with him for weeks.

Mai knew her mother had too much power over her. The dynamic had been set when she was just a child. Her mother only said she loved her after Mai behaved perfectly. If she shows any emotion or a typical child, she was locked in her room. As a young girl, she craved the attention of her parents, especially her mother. She molded herself into a soft spoken girl for them, and was never rewarded with love. 

“Mo… Mommy!!” 

Mai’s heart leapt to her throat. She knew he meant MoMo, but she allowed herself to imagine he said it to her. A world where her son knew her mas Mommy, where she could hug him freely and claim him. In that world, his paternity did not matter. Even better, he was conceived in a different way, without leaving Mai with scars and memories that suffocated her.She nuzzled her son's cheek, oblivious to her audience. Blinking her eyes that suddenly felt wet, she whispered softly, “Yes, Tomiko?” 

A high gasp broke her fantasy and she glanced up to see Suki staring at her with wide eyes. She bit her lip and sent her a soft smile. 

Her slip up did not go unnoticed by just Suki, for Sokka’s eyes darted from Mai to Tomiko. She hoped he would stay quiet like Suki, but unfortunately for her he exclaimed, “I get it!” You’re his mom, NOT his sister!” 

Her heart thudded against her chest and she pulled Tomiko to face her. If they figured out that she had a child, then they could never know the father. She would rather be painted a whore who slept with someone her age than the truth come out. Some of her son's reputation could be salvaged if she just returned him to her parents and fled. People would speculate for some time but eventually Mai would be forgotten. 

“No,” she found her voice finally. She tried to sound assured. “You’re mistaken. Careful with such slander.” Perhaps if she played it up as a Water Tribe boy spreading rumors she would be successful. After all, the other nations were not popular in the Fire Nation. One would assume he was an immature kid. 

“You’re don’t need to lie,” A snort came from the other side of the table. It was Toph who spoke. At her omission, even Zuko stared at Mai with shock in his eyes. 

Mai remembered Zuko’s words from last night about his friends. “And Toph, she’s the blind earthbender, remember, she can tell when people lie! I guess she can feel heartbeats and just knows.” 

Her insides coiled tightly and she exhaled. Hoping to calm her heart she breathed in and out several times before responding to the earthbender. “You’re mistaken. He is my brother.” It was not a total lie. According to her parents, Tomiko was her brother. 

“Sure if that’s what you wanna say, then yeah he’s your brother. I mean… I’m not wrong though. I can tell.”

Mai stood from her seat. She clutched her son even tighter to quell her shaking hands. Tomiko yanked her hair and she gently pushed his hand back. “You’re wrong, both of you. He is my brother and we must be going.” Years of her mother training her to always be subdued worked in this situation. The less emotion she revealed, the less they would know. She clearly failed to remain neutral towards Tomiko already. 

She turned on her heel but was stopped by a calloused hand. Her hand tenses and she faced the culprit. It was Zuko, with worry etched upon his face. His left eyebrow scrunched closer to where his right brow would be, if not for his burn. 

She hated how he got that scar, but at times it comforted her. It reminded her it was Zuko. Just Zuko, it’s Zuko just Zuko it’s not him it’s just Zuko. Sweet, loving Zuko who kissed her gently and never grew cross when she redirected his hands from her body. Zuko, who whispered that he loved her every night. 

“What’s going on Mai?” The concern in his voice was genuine and didn’t help Mai’s guilt one bit. He kept his hand on her wrist and she stared intently at his scar. “Just tell me if it’s true I can help you if you-“

“Stop it just stop Zuko!” Her voice raised an octave in her attempt to silence him. Tomiko began to cry but she couldn’t bring herself to comfort him, not when her life was about to implode. “He is my brother okay?” She blinked rapidly to keep tears from slipping down her face. She wouldn’t let everything fall to pieces. It was her responsibility to protect Tomiko from the truth and she failed. 

“You can’t even say his name! Say Tom-tom isn’t-”

“THAT ISN’T HIS NAME!” The mask that has been cracking all day shattered. She couldn’t help but scream at him. From the moment her son came into the world and she weakly called his name, people told her otherwise. Her parents chastised her whenever she said Tomiko. Their servants who had been around long enough to know of her pregnancy gave her pitiful smiles and corrections. She knew his rightful name. It seemed the more she said it, the harder people fought against it. Tomiko Watanabe. Not Tom-Tom. 

Zuko’s mouth dropped at her loudness. She had only truly yelled once in his presence since he returned from hunting the avatar, and that was at the beach due to Ty Lee and Azula. Even when she was furious with him at Boiling Rock, she did not yell. Peasant girls yelled, not girls from a noble family. Unless you were a princess, then you could scream all you wanted.

Nobody spoke as she and Zuko made eye contact. With his hand still on her wrist, his eyes shone with worry. The tension was so thick she was sure she could slice it with a knife. Before anybody could speak, a faint burning smell wafted under her nose. 

She whipped her head down to see Tomiko holding a ball of fire in his hands, dangerously close to her hair. He began to shake with giggles at the sight of orange flames. What was funny to him was an awful sight for her. For this was definitive proof, proof that Tomiko was not her parents child. Proof of the father of her baby, that his genes carried beyond his legitimate children. She could pretend he was an immaculate conception, that his paternity did not matter, but fire bending was Tomiko’s heritage.

Fire could be beautiful. She watched Zuko train in the mornings as he punched flames into the air. When not used for violence it was mesmerizing. Fire was their culture. Mai was a nonbender as were her parents, but her maternal grandfather had been one. Their nation was built upon the idea that Agni blessed their people. 

Fire could be twisted and weaponized. The past hundred years were proof of that. She knew on a broad scale how awful fire could be, but it hit her personally as well. It was fire that left Zuko’s face scarred. It was the threat of fire(and sometimes small flames) of a master that led her to lay on a bed with satin sheets nearly everyday for two years. Fire had burnt her as well; a hand mark on her right hip and numerous unhealed blisters on her thighs. 

To see her son bend left her throat clogged. She knew he was good. There was never a doubt in her mind he could end up like the man who helped create him. Yet seeing her son manipulate flames the same way he did frightened her. Mai had told herself all pregnancy long that her baby would never hurt her. She said if her baby was a boy, he would never force a girl onto the bed and cover her mouth with his hand. Her baby was a boy, Tomiko, and she would make sure he never did that. 

“Your parents aren’t benders Mai.” Zuko broke her shocked silence at Tomiko’s display. He held the ball of fire in his own hands now, having placed Tomiko’s hand in his moments ago. “Neither are you. How is he a bender?” 

She kept her eyes on her wrist, which Zuko still had his hand wrapped around. She had no words to say, for anything she wanted to say she couldn’t. She had to protect Tomiko. Her parents were right, the moment she spilled the truth her son's life was over. Nobody would ever give him respect in the court. She wanted to be honest, but truly, Zuko has enough to worry about. He couldn’t take on Mai’s pain on top of his own. The truth would debestate him. Once she spoke, she knew everything would explode after years of suffering. 

She pulled her hand free and rubbed Tomiko’s hair. Zuko backed away from her, closer to Katara and his friends. His eyes grew dark and she braced herself for the inevitable yells from him. To her shock, Zuko sighed, “I know he’s yours Mai. It’s okay, really, I don’t care that you slept with some guy.”

Slept with some guy. As if she was some commoner. Girls like Mai should save themselves for marriage. That was the expectation, but of course many girls fooled around before marriage. Maybe not sex, but it wasn’t uncommon for fire nation teens to engage in advanced foreplay. Girls never got caught though, for it would destroy their reputation. Boys could fool around with hundreds of girls and they’d be revered. 

I don’t care. That one hurt, Mai would admit that. The fear she loved for Zuko more than he loved her existed since they were young. His glibness to her possibility losing her virginity to another man poked her insecurities. Did he not care because he wasn’t a virgin? She didn’t care. She shouldn’t care. It didn’t matter, it’s not like they were ever truly together before his banishment. There had been a few chaste kisses and a betrothal contract, but then his father burnt his face and that was the end of that. If Zuko slept with someone, whether it was that Jin girl from Ba Singe Se or the waterbender, it was not her business. 

Perhaps that was why he suddenly seemed confident in bed. Before he left the fire nation, they mostly entwined on the couch and exchanged kisses. Now, she often had to push his hand down or distract him with another kiss on his lips. Mai knew this was unhealthy, that she should get over whatever was keeping her from going further with her boyfriend. The idea of him seeing her burns and the awful word on her back and her too narrow hips and weird breasts that still made her look like a little girl in a weird tall body and she was just so fucking ugly.

She imagined Zuko’s hands on her breasts feeling her just as he did. Her stomach churned as memories flooded her mind. His leer as he helped her grab his penis, the strange feeling she didn’t like one bit as he put her fingers in her private area, and the awful tearing sensation that never seemed to pass, no matter how many times it happened. She didn’t want that with Zuko. She couldn’t let him know how pathetic she was. 

Her heart sped up and the familiar sharp sting in her eyes let her know tears were not far behind. She wouldn’t cry in front of Zuko’s friends. Losing her temper was humiliating, but crying was even worse. She couldn't let them know how affected she was by something she had to forget. It wasn’t a big deal- it was over and she was supposed to be happy. Crying over what she hadn’t fought off enough, something she could’ve stopped if she had been stronger, was foolish. 

“We have to go, my mother is expecting us.” She winced at the way her voice shook and turned on her heel. 

“Mai, please don’t-“

She glanced back where Zuko’s eyes shone with pity. She hated pity most of all. It left her feeling inadequate, as if someone couldn’t even fathom being her. He stepped towards her with his arm outstretched, ready to grab her and keep her here.

Mai cared deeply for Zuko. She knew that, she always had, even as a young girl. Zuko saw her as more than Azula’s ugly friend or the daughter of a high ranking governor. As children, she saw the best in Zuko, while his father and sister did everything in their power to tear him down. There were major divides and differences between Zuko and Azula, but the one Mai always thought of was destruction.

As children, if Azula ripped apart a flower bed, Zuko who would place them back. Their differences traveled all the way towards how they would rule. Azula would have continued on a path of destruction within the Fire Nation, whereas Zuko hoped to change their country for the better. 

“If you follow me, we’re done for good.” The sharpness in her words shocked herself. She locked eyes with him and her heart ached at the way his eyes widened in shock. 

Zuko gave her a slight nod of the head before he sat back down. His friends averted his eyes from her. It was only Ty Lee who stared at her, eyes wider than usual with not shock but something else. Mak shouldn’t have been surprised, for sometimes the sad smiles her friend gave her was a clue in itself. Ty Lee wasn’t his type, but she knew. 

She took a moment to study Zuko- his broad shoulders and sharp jawline, his dark brown hair he left shaggy for the day, and she prayed to Agni she would see him again. If everything went the way she so hoped, she could be with Zuko again tonight. The pessimist, no the realist, part of Mai reminded herself her mother had refused her attempts to reveals herself as Tomiko’s mother before.

There was a high chance Mai would have to take her baby in the night and never look back. They would flee to a colony where nobody knew the Watanabe family by face. They could create new identities where his paternity meant nothing, because it would be someone else. The relief she felt from even a few minutes of people knowing the truth was addictive. She could never go back to a lifetime of acting as his sister.

Mai swallowed any sadness that threatened to escape her and followed the path back to the street. Hopefully she will see Zuko and Ty Lee again. If she had to leave, perhaps she’d write them a letter, exposing the secrets inside the palace walls. She was not the only girl to have laid in that bed. 

She ran a hand through Tomiko’s hair. Her son had calmed down by now and his cheek rested in her shoulder. “Let’s go home” She whispered. He nuzzled even closer to her. He never showed this affection for her mother, his grandmother. Mai didn’t know much about babies, but she could tell even Tomiko knew the truth. It was her turn to tell her parents everything, all the way back to that fateful summer day three years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you finished this congrats!! youknow it seems like not much has happened, but next chapter will be from mai and zuko's pov, and things will pick up. i struggled to write katara. if you're wondering why mai seems so jealous of her, remember her mother has told her her entire life she is too ugly, too plain, too cold, etc for any boy to like her. her sense of self is extremely warped, which will be shown more in later chapters.


	4. The Watanabe Family's Deception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Was allowing him to grow up in a loveless house better? He would be granted more opportunities but not know real love. She couldn’t allow her child to live in such a cold environment. He would be forced into boxes he may not fit. Her son knowing unconditional love was worth the reputation."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh!! I have been working on this chapter for two months. It was originally supposed to from both Mai and Zuko's POV, but things changed. It's super dialogue heavy, which I struggle with!!  
> TW: flashbacks to childhood sexual abuse, rape, and eating disorders.  
> Glossary:  
> *Ume: Plum Blossom  
> *iromuji: a type of kimono  
> *surîbu: sleeve  
> Musume: daughter  
> *randoseru: a firm-sided backpack used by schoolchildren in Japan  
> I was interested in including more of the Asian aspects of the Atla world into the story, which you'll see as the story progresses.Additionally, I gave the Royal Family a last name- Ryū. Also: if there is any confusion over Tomiko's age, it will make sense soon. Mai got pregnant shortly after her 13th birthday and had him when she was 13. He will be two soon.  
> Enjoy!  
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the ATLA universe.

Mai entered her home tentatively, expecting to find an empty parlor. At this time of day, her father could usually be found in his or at a council meetings. He was fortunate to keep a position on Zuko's council. They both knew it was her connection to Zuko that kept her father, a known Fire Lord Ozai loyalist, in his council

.

Before everything, Mai had enjoyed spending time with him. Moments between father and daughter were fleeting, but she called him Baba far later than most of her peers would. She fondly remembered the evenings after supper he would take her into his study and go over maps of the world with her. It seemed after all that occurred, the chasm between them had grown too far apart. 

Instead of the silence she was used to, both her mother and father sat drinking tea in the ornate parlor. The focus point of the room was the deep red wallpaper with gold flowers specks. Mai used to try and count the specks as a young girl when guests were at their home. Like most of the homes in Caldera, their furniture was shades of red and gold. 

“Mai, your hair!” Her mother stood from the chair to admonish her. “Why does it smell…” Her eyes widened and she lunged for Tomiko. 

Mai stepped away and held  _ her  _ son even closer against her. She would never fall into the traps her mother set again. She was Tomiko’s Mama,  _ not  _ Michi. Her mother couldn’t take that away, no matter how much she tried. 

She took a breath to channel as much courage as she could and said, “Mother, Father, we need to have a talk.” 

They exchanged a glance that seemed to say far too much than they hoped. For people who shut down every feeling Mai ever had, they seemed to have no issue letting down their facade in the comforts of their house. 

“Of course, Yuki, will you take Tom-Tom?” Ukano gestured to Tomiko’s favorite nanny.

It would be easier to discuss this without him there. He was only twenty-two months but you could never be too careful, and Mai didn’t want him knowing any of this until much later in his life. Besides, there was a  _ small  _ chance Mai might get emotional, as that’s what happened at night when memories assaulted her mind. She passed him to Yuki, knowing if she had to leave it would be easy to intimidate the soft-spoken girl. 

She sat on the deep red chair across from her parents. She clasped her hands together, then unclasped them and clasped them again.  _ Why was she suddenly a coward? Oh, she has always been one. With Azula as a little girl all the way to in bed with- _

“It wasn’t one time.” The words burst out without any methodical planning. She had wanted to say this for so long. Since the day the physician confirmed her fear, she yearned to tell her parents the whole truth. She knew they thought she agreed to it, that it was something she wanted, a one time thing with no thought of repercussion. That’s why they supported him. Her parents hated to see Mai hurt by others. They were protective in their own way. They weren’t power hungry enough to hurt her. “It was too many times for me to make an estimated guess.” 

Her father turned his head and shut his eyes. His Adam's apple bobbed for a moment before inhaling and exhaling. Her mother glanced his way then turned her head. Her narrow eyes seemed smaller than usual with her pinched lips. 

“I should have told you. I didn’t. I brought shame to the-“

“We know” Her mother rasped. She held her manicured hand up. Her father’s eyes bounced between the pair.

The tension between the two was palpable. Her parents' marriage had been a conundrum to Mai as a little girl. She knew their marriage was arranged, just like she and Zuko had been. Yet her parents didn’t seem to care for each other the way she and Zuko did. The only things they seemed to semi agree on was raising Mai as their little puppet and stealing her son. They always presented themselves as a united front to Mai, yet now they sat on opposite ends of the couch with hands separate.

“When did you realize?” She cursed herself for how weak she sounded. If they knew why didn’t they help? Her mother wouldn’t have allowed her to be soiled like that. She placed such an importance on remaining pure- why would she allow Mai to do that before marriage? Her grandmother indoctrinated the rules of nobility into Michi, and she did the same to Mai. A cycle of weak women. 

Her father turned to face her again. The sunlight streaming in highlighted his faint scar under his left eye. He received it in the war when he served under General Iroh. He used to tell Mai the story when she was young; that one night Earth Kingdom resistance raided their bunks and a man held the knife right to his left eye. Her father,  _ Baba _ , had pulled the knife he slept with out of his sleeve and stabbed  _ him _ in the left eye. 

“ _ Everyone does their part in the war, *Ume,” he told her one night in his study. They had just finished supper and they were having one of their special talks, which were growing further apart the older Mai was. His smile dropped and he grabbed her hand. Affection was uncommon between Baba and herself. Affection was weakness, and Watanabe’s were not weak. His eyes scrunched together and he said, “You do your part also. No matter how big or small it seems, you help the Fire Nation.”  _

_ She nodded, more interested in the map behind his desk. It showcased everyland their nation had won in battle. Baba followed her eye and squeezed her hand to gain her attention. His eyes were shiny, but it must have been the dust, because Baba doesn’t cry. “You are my Ume, no matter how old you are. Now go find Mother.” _

Mai pulled herself from her flashback with a sinking feeling. He told her that the night before everything ended and her new life began. At the time, she thought he was strange. After The First Time, she thought it was a coincidence. Now, hearing they knew, a thought she squashed down years ago rose its ugly head. 

Her father pressed his fingers to his temple and said, “You have to understand Mai we-“

“UKANO-“

“Zuko understands. He knows. He wants me to raise Tomiko, he knows that-“

Her mother stood from her seat. Her pink iromuji accented her slim waist and narrow shoulders. Her mother's figure was the feature she held to the highest regard and did for Mai as well. If her mother taught her one useful thing, it was the tips and tricks of eating without the food going to a waistline. 

She walked towards the portrait of Mai on her tenth birthday. Mai’s eyes followed her mother who turned her back towards the painting. She looked so young, her cheeks were still rounded with innocent baby fat. Even then, her smile seemed fake. Eyes too squinted and lips stretched too far to attempt some form of happiness for the painter. 

Why wasn’t she happy then? Any girl like Mai would be happy. She was showered with dolls and dresses. She upheld her end of the deal- be a silent child, so perfect and such a good example of Fire Nation nobility. There was no reason for Mai to ever have moped as a child. 

The quietness of her home did nothing to remove the loud buzz in her ears. Between her parents refusal to speak and the awful suspicion she worked to never let surface, the pieces began to fall into place. They couldn’t. Parents don’t do that. She may have a complicated relationship with them, specifically her mother( _ don’t eat any dessert Mai you don’t need sugar you’re ugly enough you can’t be fat also don’t you dare even think about grabbing that you already had noodles) _ , but they didn’t hate her. 

Her mother laid a manicured hand on the portrait. She rubbed the face of Painting Mai, who was cheerful and good and everything Mai never had been. Her mother, never one for emotions, let out a shaky breathe that sounded suspiciously close to the beginning of a cry. “You were to be Fire Lady once upon a time Mai. It only made sense we continued on that path.”

_ Fire Lady to Zuko’s Fire Lord. That was the goal so many years ago. Fourteen months apart, she never knew life without Zuko before the Agni Kai. It made sense their whole lives- who else for Mai then her first friend?  _

When she finds her voice that has been locked away for so long in this house, she cannot muster more than a whisper. “Explain yourself” She manages to say. Her whispers don’t sound soft and sweet like Ty Lee’s. No, even her whisper is rough and unattractive. 

Her father’s hands rest on his lap, his head still down. She directed her eyes to him, willing him to look up, to face her and explain what her mother meant. Her mother was the head of decisions in their home, regardless of what it looked like from the outside. 

_ It was Baba who let her sit on his lap and gave her kisses as a little girl. Mother was the one with the sharp words, quick hands, and the glare in her eyes that dared Mai to even think of defying her word. Mother was the one who wanted Tomiko. It was Baba who whispered that a baby needs their mother when Mother tried to make Tomiko love her.  _

Her mother turned around to face Mai once more. The typical saccharine smile was not on her face nor were her eyes glowing with false happiness. Mai faced the side of her mother that left bruises on her wrists and nail marks in her shoulders. The side of her with eyes that reflected her disappointment in a hideous daughter and a mouth that let out words that scarred Mai. Her mother could believe that weapons were for men all she wanted. Her mouth left gashes in Mai’s heart larger than any knife could however. 

“The situation… while not ideal… it helped. Your father got two promotions! One as a governor, and that’s no easy feat. We did our duty.”

“Our duty… to allow me to be… hurt-“ 

“Do not say such slander! You were not harmed. You were eager to be Fire Lady once, it was no different.”

Being a Fire Lady was never important to Mai. What mattered ever since she was little and realized her friend Zuko made her heart flutter was simply being with him. The titles that she would gain within the Royal family never phased her. 

Her father lifted his head. While she took after her mother in looks more, she shared her father’s narrow eyes. He did not speak for a moment. That was not unusual for him. Her father was a thinker not a doer- just like Mai herself. 

When he spoke, all the reverence he carried his words out was gone. “It’s over Michi.” He sighed and stood from his spot on the couch. Mai could barely breathe as he stepped closer.

His eyes glistened again. She knew now it was not dust. The idea of her father- military genius, history lover, unshakeable Baba- crying suctioned a sliver of her anger away. 

As quickly as pity came, it left. Her parents were not the ones hurt here. If anything they… Mai’s stomach churned at the very thought of them knowing this whole time. They allowed her to attend that place. They smiled as she came home with falsified stories of her afternoon. 

“You need to understand Mai, when he says you do something, you do it” Her father said. The usual reverence in his words was gone, replaced with sorrow. 

Mai opened her mouth but all that came out was a gag.  _ When was the last time she ate? She had a few bites of a dumpling, was that it?  _ A very loud buzz filled her ears and her legs swayed. Things seemed to be worse than she imagined.

The cruelest thing Mai suspected was her parents knew she was hurt far more times than she let on. Never did she even think their actions were more nefarious. She believed the worst they did was steal her son. For them to… if they… the puzzle pieces she so long kept apart formed together before her eyes.

_ New clothes. New hair products. New nightwear. New perfume. Shaving parts of her body that barely had hair. Hugs she craved for so long she finally got. _

Mai knew she was spoiled, but the days leading up to The First Time she was showered with presents. She believed her parents felt bad about Zuko. More likely they were upset she would no longer be Fire Lady, but the sentiment was there she hoped. 

“If you… I just need you to say the truth,” Mai hated the way she pleaded. Watanabe’s were not beggars. Even worse, she was pleading to her own parents. The ones who had set these standards when she was a child. “He hurt me. I was twelve. If you were behind this you owe me the truth. You stole my baby and now I know you knew he did this before I was pregnant? How long exactly?” Her voice rose higher with each word until gone was her raspy speech. She could’ve been mistaken for a hysteric Ty Lee, which was never a good thing.

Her mother turned away from the portrait. Her tawny eyes glistened with unshed tears and her lips set into a frown. 

Her mother wiped her eyes before exclaiming,” You did your part. I know you’re hurt Mai, but it worked out didn’t it? You gave us a son!” 

Her happiness slapped Mai in the face.  _ How dare she? It worked out?  _ Nothing has worked out for Mai. Zuko can’t even touch her below the waist-  _ with clothes _ \- without Mai freezing up. Flashbacks hit her at the most inconvenient times. 

_ Gave us a son.  _ Mai carried her son for nine months, pushed him out, and didn’t even get to hold him.  _ Her  _ name for him was butchered to the stupidest nickname imaginable. She didn’t give her parents her son, they took him from her arms and declared him theirs. 

A cold laugh escaped and her parents glanced at each other, bewildered. It was not like her to be so outspoken. “No,” she sneered. “We aren’t talking about Tomiko now- but I can go on about him forever. I want you to look at me and say that you… just be honest for once.” 

Her parents made eye contact and for a moment all was still. Mai’s shaky breath calmed briefly as the seconds passed.  _ Say something. Tell me you had no idea let that be the truth you’re my parents Mother and Baba. Baba please let this just be a misunderstanding you really didn’t know until Tomiko please say that.  _

Her father nodded to her mother and she said, “You need to understand we were helping you. When he approached us, there was no choice in the matter. You know how powerful he is. So we did everything to help. You got so many beautiful clothes and books didn’t you?” Her mother inhaled and exhaled. “I know you were hurt but it’s better now. He’s in jail and you’re with Fire Lord Zuko. Shouldn’t we just forget all about it?”

Mai wanted to scream and shout and rip apart the curtains and tear down the wallpaper and  _ ruin her parents _ . Her vision grew blurry and she blinked furiously to keep her tears at bay. It was no use as she quickly felt droplets down her face. She couldn’t tell if she was crying because she was pathetically sad or angry. 

Her own parents betrayed her. They watched her come home bloodied and bruised and branded without batting an eye. They cried when the physician confirmed she was with a child. When he was born with the same gold eyes as that whole family, they acted horrified. This whole time they knew. They were behind it.

Her heart thudded so hard she feared it would burst through. After so many years of locking her emotions in a box, they finally escaped. She couldn’t control the sudden shake of her shoulders and choked sobs. Her mother and father stared at her, neither brave enough to comfort the daughter they helped destroy. 

“Get a hold of yourself Mai!” Her mother finally exclaimed. “You’re much too old to carry on like this. It’s time to move on.”

She shuddered one last time and breathed in all the cries she would save for later that night. With a wipe of her hand, the tears that streamed down her face left. She couldn’t control the cold laugh that came from her. “Zuko knows,” she repeated from earlier. “Zuko and his friends know they caught on really quick. I guess I couldn’t hide my love for my son the way you wanted me to.”

“He’s going to ask me who Tomiko’s father is. I won’t lie to him. Then when he asks if it was one time I’ll tell the truth. He’s going to know everything.” 

Her mother smirked at her. “And he won’t care? You’re a fool. You tell him who his father is and what you did with him, you’ll be tossed to the streets in seconds. He won’t want spoiled leftovers.” 

“You know nothing about-“

“Even more, if he doesn’t discard you, you think the court will allow your relationship to continue? They nearly rioted when you were announced as future Fire Lady all those years ago. You weren’t pretty enough, now what do you have? You’re still not pretty for that role and you’ll be deemed a whore. Is that what you want?”

Her mother's words popped the courage that had Mai carried like a pin into a balloon. The fantasy she allowed herself to create, one of her and Tomiko and Zuko all together, faded as quickly as it came. How could she be so stupid? Zuko would never accept her. Once he heard exactly who sullied Mai, the idea of even being near him would disgust him. The image of him seeing the burns and filthy words carved into Mai’s skin made her run her hands over her long-sleeved kimono. 

Even if Zuko  _ did  _ still want her, the court wouldn’t allow it. She’ll never forget the days after Fire Lord Azulon died, when Zuko’s father was named Fire Lord. As his heir, Zuko was to be next in line and subsequently, Mai as his Fire Lady. The court seemed angrier over the fact that Mai was to be Fire Lady one day then that Azulon’s second son was Fire Lord. The insults she overheard with Azula, Ty Lee and Zuko as they eavesdropped through the wooden door of the council members haunted her.

_ Far too plain. Too pale. Her nose, those eyes, that chin! Do we want their offspring, our future Fire Lord, looking like her? She’s too skinny! Her hips won’t change much I can tell, she’s not meant for birthing babies. Not even a bender, not even bending blood. She was fine as just a future princess but our Fire Lady? _

Their nasty words coiled around her silent insecurities. She could see Azula’s cruel smirk in her mind. The way Ty Lee stood with her mouth agape at the idea people could be so nasty. Most importantly, Zuko, sweet Zuko, had awkwardly rubbed her shoulder and said he disagreed.

_ “You will be a good Fire Lady Mai! And… and, you’re not ugly.”  _

Mai could recall the way both their cheeks reddened and Azula sneered at them. He had just lost his mother and he still found the kindness to comfort her. She had returned home that night and after sobbing into her pillow, she wrote her future name out time and time again.  _ Mai Ryū.  _

She knew her whole life one day she would join the Royal Family. It had been natural as a young girl to her. One day she would be Zuko’s wife, Azula’s sister, and his parents' daughter-in-law. Her fate, decided by their parents, never phased her. 

When Zuko was banished their plans burnt to the ground. She was no longer the future Fire Lady. Instead she became something unspeakably awful and it left her with a son. A baby who Mai would give up anything for. 

She loved Zuko. She knew she loved him since a child. The butterflies in her stomach and the electric of his touch was enough to tell her. She loved him so much he was one of the driving forces in her betrayal of Azula. 

There was a difference in her love for Zuko and Tomiko. She grew to love Zuko, she hadn’t loved him when she laid eyes on him as an infant. Zuko had been an integral part of her childhood and one day, he was there as more than a friend. With Tomiko,  _ her son _ , she loved him the moment she knew she was pregnant. Despite her age, the circumstances and the unknown future, she loved the baby inside her. Mai had missed the opportunity to hold him those first few moments he was born, but the moment she held a two week old Tomiko, he was the most important person to her.

Mai would give it all up for Tomiko. Her nobility status, her influx of money, the security of knowing she was taken care of, none of it was worth watching her parents raise her son. She would take the title of a whore for the privilege of being his mother. She would work everyday if need be. 

_ Zuko will not accept her.  _ The fact left Mai reeling, life without Zuko was miserable. She was much more bored with him away. She hated the way she floundered with him gone. He left her twice and she dealt with the consequences each time. 

_ If she told him, he would be obligated to be with her.  _ Honor was a core part of Zuko’s identity. Naturally, he would feel a sense of duty. She despised the idea of him being with her out of guilt. She even asked after everything they went through, if he was sure, if he wanted her or if it was just the betrothment. A child added a factor to the relationship he was not aware of. She could never burden him. 

Tomiko was worth leaving Zuko behind. Mai was expendable to him. He managed to continue without her once before. While she rotted in prison, he went to a play and went on a field trips with his friends and-

_ She should not be angry over this. She had no right to be angry. He was helping save the world so cut him some slack he apologized.  _

Perhaps an engagement with a girl from another nation would help ease diplomatic tension. He and the water bender could get together and have steambabies. He deserves a girl with her virtue. Someone without words in her skin and marks on her stomach and a body that sagged in strange places. Half of Mai’s heart would forever be gone but she would have Tomiko. He was worth the heartbreak of losing Zuko.

Mai could compile a list of reasons her parents were unfit to raise Tomiko. There were too many running through her brain but truthfully, the only push Mai needed was the truth. She was his mother. Her child deserved his  _ true  _ mother to raise him and love him. 

“See Mai? You’re being silly. Come take a bath, Mirei will wash your hair and then we can have our nails done together okay?” Her mother's maliciousness only moments prior vanished. She stepped forward with a fake smile.

As a little girl, Mai would have fallen into her mother's trap with open arms and desperation to be loved. Children deprived of mothers love did anything for their attention she learned. She buried any semblance of a personality as a child for praise from her mother. A smile, a touch to her cheek, any small act was enough for Mai. The years jaded Mai and she saw her mother's act for the farce it was. 

Her mother didn’t truly love her. She was a means to an end- proof she was fertile and a good wife. Mai knew of the babies before her. The ornate, small vases filled with the ashes of Daiki and Sakae, her older brother and sister, who both died the moment they were earthside. Mai knew her parents wished for a son. Every family wants a son- a heir to carry on their name. Instead they were stuck with the plainest of daughters. 

If Mai had been as pretty as Azula or Ty Lee perhaps her mother would have truly loved her. No nobleman wanted a wife who looked like Mai, a wife as dull as Mai. She could barely carry a conversation. If she was not around Azula, Zuko or Ty Lee, her tongue felt pasted to the roof of her mouth and her mind empty. 

She clutched the first knife in her left sleeve. She pressed her thumb into the sharpest point. Her knives were a constant in life. She’d taken to holding down on one and drawing just enough blood to flinch. It distracted her from flashbacks and treacherous thoughts. 

“No Mother. I want my son” She rasped. There was one option left. She knew her parents would never agree to let her raise Tomiko. She tried to reason with them her entire pregnancy as they spoke of plans to convince the nation the baby was theirs. Once he arrived and was inconsolable, it was the *surîbu of one of Mai’s kimonos that calmed him. She could not hold him, but her son knew her scent. Mai was what was best for him.

Each time she approached the subject, she was hit with the stigma of a bastard. The Fire Nation, all the nations frankly, had deep-rooted prejudice against adulterers. Even if two people were together, it was always the woman's fault. Her son would be subjected to a life of poor schools, no job opportunities, and no wife of ‘good breeding’. He would live a life as a farmer or some other job not meant for nobles. She wanted her son to have the life he deserved. 

Was allowing him to grow up in a loveless house better? He would be granted more opportunities but not know real love. She couldn’t allow her child to live in such a cold environment. He would be forced into boxes he may not fit. Her son knowing unconditional love was worth the reputation.

Her father sighed once more before running a hand through his greying beard. “Mai,” his voice sounded heavy with some unknown emotion. Her father kept his stone cold face up extremely well. It was only their special Baba-Musume* nights that he laughed with her and gave her hugs. “You don’t want to do this. Please Ume, you will ruin both your lives, our lives too..”

“We can be more lenient, how about you read to him before bed? Or perhaps we can allow you to have some uninterrupted time a day with him” He persuaded. 

For all his effort, Mai was not swayed. Her love was worth more than a bedtime story. She should be the one behind all his milestones. She deserved the title Mama. After being told she wasn’t worthy for the past fifteen years, she was done.

“Do you hear yourselves? That man… he… he raped me! I had a child and you stole him from me. I don’t owe you anything!” She gasped the words. 

She never called the horrible acts that before. In every flashback or dream, she imagined it as being hurt. She was  _ hurt  _ by him. To call it such an awful word made it real. Her burns and cuts stung at the very reminder of all the pain she experienced. She was ruined in every way by a man they continued to worship. They allowed her, they gave him permission to do unspeakable acts

Her vision grew blurry and her heart quickened against her chest. “Your precious Fire Lord raped me! And… and you ask why I’m angry?” 

_ Fire Lord Ozai. A conquerer, hero, and a rapist. She was twelve. Twelve. A child. Too young for blood to trickle down her things and for hands too big to squeeze her in spots she didn’t understand. She was too small for that body inside her and she stretched and stretched and everything was burning and her thigh was on fire and her hair felt too hot on her shoulders and she yelled for help. Fire Lord Ozai, wife to Ursa and father to Zuko and Azula. Zuko was across the world and ‘Zula was studying and Mai was laying in their father's bed while he groaned over her. She wanted Ursa to come home and come to the room and see Mai and help her and bring her home and then her own mama would hug her and everything would be better. But Ursa didn’t come, her mama didn’t come, and her baba didn’t come and instead parts of her teared open and she clutched the silk bedspread as screams ripped from her throat.  _

Mai’s legs swayed beneath her weight. Neither her parents moved to help as she clutched the velvet couch to stay upright. They never looked out for her. Not when she was a young girl desperate for parental love, not when she was in their ‘friends’ bed every afternoon, and not now, when everything she ever believed was a lie.

She felt as if she was standing on a cliff, ready to fall any minute with abandonment. It was the way she felt at Boiling Rock, after she risked everything for Zuko and prepared to die at the hands of one of her oldest friends. She had prepared herself to fight to the death in those moments of silence as Azula glowered. 

Instead of facing one of her oldest friends, she stared down at her parents. “I want Tomiko,” she spoke steadily. No longer was she afraid to upset them. She spent years hiding in corners to keep out of their way and couldn’t do it again. 

“How will you claim to be his mother? Our names are on his certificate. The physician who cared for you certainly won’t reveal that. Have you given this-“

The knives flew to pin the sleeve of her mother's iromuji to the wall before Mai could properly think of her actions. Her mother let out an unlady like yelp and began to twist around. Mai bit back a smile at her incapability to move.

“Mai!” Her shrill voice carried through the silent house. “Ukano, come get these knives out. Then you and I will have a talk, young lady!” 

Mai whipped knives towards her father on the couch before he could stand. With her aim, his burgundy sleeves were caught against the sofa. His jaw dropped as his eyes widened. The knife tore through the couch as well as his sleeve, leaving white stuffing spilling out. 

Her mother yelled obscenities( _ the nastiest words to ever come from her mouth Mai was sure)  _ and her father stared at her with an unreadable look in his eyes. If their relationship had been different, if he had said his true thoughts of Mai more, maybe she could say he was proud. 

“If you had not agreed to my rape, we wouldn’t be here” Mai hissed. Her parents were used to her monotone voice, never anything close to hysterics. She rubbed her thumb and index finger together. Anything to keep her hands busy, anything to keep from pulling her sleeve up and-

The piercing wails of Tomiko carried from his nursery down to the parlor. It struck Mai how silent her house was. Normally they would hear the footsteps of servants or their cook, Nakano, in the kitchen. There were no footsteps now as Mai and her parents stared at each other. 

Nobody spoke as Mai slowly stepped backwards, inching further toward the stairs that led to her son. Her mother focused her attention on the wooden floor and her father stared at the ceiling. 

They were going to ignore her. This was how their relationship would end- the two of them pinned down with knives and Mai stealing her child away. They deserved it. They deserved to rot for what they did.

Mai turned on her heel up the stairs before any nastier thoughts poisoned her already sour view of her parents. She made her way down the imposing hall past her own extravagant bedroom to Tomiko’s nursery.

Inside his room, she was met with a red-faced shrieking Tomiko with Yuki. The older girl frantically bounced him up and down to no avail. Mai cleared her throat and extended her arms.

Yuki’s eyes flickered back and forth. Of course, how could Mai be so foolish? Their servants were under strict orders to keep Tomiko away from her. Her mother fired one servant, Taiyo, who succumbed to Mai’s glares last year. Since then, all Mai’s attempts to steal time with Tomiko were rebuffed.

Mai pulled her surību from the wooden drawer and stuffed it into Tomiko’s outreached hand. He clutched the torn sleeve to his nose and slowly the tears diminished. Happiness bubbled beneath her anxiety and rage at her success. When Tomiko was a newborn and Mai’s life rested in the hands of Agni, his cries never ceased. Her mother ripped the sleeve off her favorite tunic and let him smell it in a desperate attempt to stop him. 

“You know he’s my son, right?” Mai asked. “You must know, you must have heard from the others all about it. They locked me in my room and fed me not even half a portion size. You must know that.”

Yuki opened and closed her mouth. Mai wasn’t sure what she expected her to say. It wasn’t like the servants could do anything for her. They were under her parents thumb just like herself. Mai was always chained to another person; her parents, Azula, then  _ Ozai _ . 

Mai reached over to grab Tomiko from her arms. Once he settled against her hip, suddenly all was right. She met Yuki’s eyes before the older girl turned around. Without a word, even to Tomiko, she scampered out of the nursery.

Mai rubbed her cheek against the bald spot of Tomiko’s head. She would stop cutting his hair weekly like her mother. Her mother claimed to the public it grew slowly. They both knew his hair accented the Ryū features on his face. Tomiko cooed softly and another burst of love shook through Mai. 

After so long of being silent, she whispered the best words to her son, “You’re safe with Mama now.” A true smile pulled at her lips despite the exhausting argument with her parents. Parents who sat pinned to chairs for who knows how long. Parents who would, and had in the past, take extreme measures to keep Mai away from him. 

Mai grabbed the *randoseru that hung from a hook by his crib and began to empty his drawers. While Tomiko did not have nearly as many clothes as she did when young, he still had more than enough for a little boy. She grabbed some of his favorite toys, a wooden xylophone, a red ball, and some blocks to also stuff in there. 

She lugged Tomiko and the bag back to her room. Everything was as she left it this morning, yet so much had changed for her. Agni, she sounded like Zuko. She placed Tomiko on her bed and ordered him to stay there. He wouldn’t listen, but it would be hard for him to even get off. She grabbed her clothes, all larger than she should have to wear. After Tomiko, none of her clothes fit. A seamstress had to fashion a new wardrobe much to her mothers chagrin. She hated them. 

While her friends could wear the trendier tighter styles, she had to wear a looser article of clothing over everything to hide her stomach. No matter how little she ate and how much she trained she still was not flat. She pushed them into the randoseru; now bulging with their belongings. Mai rolled the portrait of her and Zuko into the bag, she would most likely never be with him again, but she would still love him.

  
  


She caught a glimpse of her reflection in her mirror and frowned. Dark lines from her kohl trickled down her face. She looked like an actress from the Ember Island Players. She wondered if she would be in a play about the Royal Family someday. Mai Watanabe, the daughter of nobility, playmate to Azula, betrothed to Zuko. Whore of Fire Lord Ozai. They would leave that out, just like all the other girls Mai knew came before her. 

She brushed through her tangled locks once more. Everyone loved her hair. As a little girl in the palace, Ursa brushed her hair at every sleepover. She would tell Mai she was so pretty, words Mai longed to hear her own mother say. Even if Ursa lied, she always appreciated it. Ursa wasn’t the only adult there with an admiration for her hair. 

_ “ _ _ You’re very pretty” His deep voice seemed to pass through his chest into her back. She tried to lean forward but an arm wrapped around her chest, locking her in place against his lap. She tried to ignore the way his hand grazed her left breast, or what would be her breast if she was not so flat.  _

_ Mai’s tongue felt as heavy as rocks against her cheek. If she tried to speak she knew no words would come out. She didn’t like this at all. She had expected to see Azula and instead was sitting on the Fire Lords lap in his chamber. She didn’t even know how this happened. One moment she was at the palace gates and the next she was locked in with the Fire Lord.  _

_ Fire Lord Ozai played with the ribbon covering one of her buns. Something felt wrong about him doing that. She wasn’t supposed to have her hair down around any man but her Baba. If she was younger this would be okay, but Mai was twelve, practically a teenager. Her mother would be so angry if she heard what Mai was doing. _

_ The Fire Lord pulled the ribbon off her right bun and her hair spilled down. Something poked against her thigh Mai squirmed on his lap but this just made him squeeze her even tighter. The thing seemed to grow larger as it brushed against her. This was not good. Mai knew enough to say everything about this was wrong. The Fire Lord yanked the other ribbon off and her hair cascaded down her back. _

_ His warm hand slowly traced her clothes covered body from her shoulder to hip. She wasn’t sure what he expected to find. He ran a hand through her tresses and began to wrap a piece around his finger.  _

_ “Stand up.”  _

_ Mai swallowed a lump that rose in her throat. She complied with the Fire Lord as she was a dutiful citizen. She crossed her arms over her chest and lowered her head as she stood in front of him. She felt very strange with her hair down. This was not good. _

_ The Fire Lord rose from the bed and towered over her. She had seen him close before, which was more than most people could say. She had eaten supper at the same table as him countless times. Up until last week, Mai was to be his daughter-in-law in just three years. _

_ A gasp emitted her as he pulled her shirt over her head. Even though the room was blazing with the candles, Mai shivered at the new feeling. Not for the first time, she wished she had a chest like Azula or Ty Lee. She could have worn breast bindings and kept some semblance of modesty.  _

_ He bent down and pulled her skirt from its place against her hips. Down went her undergarments with it, leaving Mai nude.  _

_ Warning chimes rang in Mai’s head. This was really wrong. She wasn’t supposed to be naked in front of anyone except her mother or her old nanny. She dropped her hands to her private part to hide from the Fire Lord’s eyes that traveled her body.  _

_ Burning hands grasped her waist to pull her close and Mai knew nothing would ever be the same. _

Before she could even think of the repercussions, Mai whipped that stupid brush at her mirror. A resounding crack broke the mirror into pieces. She hated that mirror. Ever since she was little, that mirror taunted her with her hideous reflection. She had many memories of her mother entering her room to express her disappointment in Mai’s sharp nose and chin. Nobody would ever truly love a girl like Mai.

She wiped the tears that fell from her cheeks. She would not let Tomiko see her as even more of a mess. Today they started their new life together. 

She placed Tomiko back onto her hip, the two bags on her other side. She rushed out her room without even glancing back and down the stairs.

Her parents were still stuck where she left them. Sick satisfaction filled her that nobody went to help them. It was nowhere near how she felt in this house, but any bit of comeuppance she could give them she would relish. 

“You’ll regret this Mai!” H

Her mother's shrill voice attacked Mai from behind. Couldn’t she tell when she’s lost? Mai knew that was a pathetic statement, her mother would always win. Her voice has been in Mai’s head since she was a little girl, as familiar as her own. 

Mai did not glance back at that, but it was her Baba, who whispered, “You be good for your mother Tomiko” that made Mai freeze. 

She turned around for a moment and nodded to her Baba. Baba, who knew what Fire Lord Ozai did to her and supported him. Baba, who kissed her head the night Tomiko was “kidnapped” and she tried not to cry. Baba, who used to sneak Mai extras at dinner when her mother said if she ate more she would be fat. 

“Say goodbye to your grandparents darling.”

With that, Mai slammed the front door shut with a grin breaking on her face. For so long she had been constrained in that house and now she was free. Hope blossomed in her chest. She never allowed herself to truly dream as a child, but this must be what it felt like- pure, unadulterated joy. 

•••••

Mai awoke with a gasp. For a moment, she forgot where she was and had dreamt her day. A quick glance around told her she was in her Aunt Mura’s spare bedroom above the flower shop. TA small hand splayed across Mai's chest and she lowered her head to kiss it. She had Tomiko in bed with her a she could not bare to part. Not that there was any other place for him.

Her aunt was shocked when Mai arrived, sweaty and tearstained after nearly an hour of walking. Mai promised her they would talk soon but for now she needed to spend time with _Tomiko_. Her aunt raised her eyebrows at Mai's use of his full name, but she had not pressed Mai.

Mai would have to speak eventually. She knew she could not stay silent forever. Yet for now, in the moment late at night, she clung to Tomiko a bit tighter and rolled back to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I had said in an ealier chapter Ty Lee introduced Mai to Azula: scratch that! I'm changing that chapter(those sentences) as I had a different idea for the whole Ryū family and their relationship with Mai.  
> If you read all this, thank you!  
> Also, thank you for all the comments and kudos!


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